On aging gracefully 4 June

In the name of Allah most gracious most merciful.

At Faldela’s janaazah I made the re-acquaintance of three women over 80 years old. A few weeks ago Aunti Fatim visited also over 80. My only surviving paternal aunt is also over 80.

The fact of the matter is that these women are so serene and content with their lives and fearlessly living in a state of beauty and devotion.  An old friend of our family, Aunty Noya or Ms Brown as her students knew her, was visiting with us maybe 10 years ago. Almost 90 years she asked me to use the bathroom. Politely I asked her if I could fill the bottle of water for her and help her make wudhu? She turned around at the door and said, “the day I cannot make my own istinjaa or wudhu is the day I am dead.”

You know when middle aged people are the roughly the same age as you maybe a bit younger or older, they assume that you are experiencing the same stuff. For example like hot flashes. They explain in grave detail how the heat kind of comes from the head down and wa wa wa wa. You purse you lips in a polite little smile and say uhu uhu uhmm. But your head's going, whaaat!

Well I figured that I am going to embrace getting older. This must be a ni’amah from Allah. I can do all of my ibaadah, no more cramps, I spend less money on things with wings. But I do miss it, the monthlies, like my friend Linda says, it is my body’s clock. And I don’t think I am having hot flashes but I do feel fairly warm sometimes, Ok hot. Like Abu and the kids are asking for extra blankets because they are so cold – I  have that blank look. “it’s right at the top of the cupboard” I holler. I’m thinking “kanala Abu not more blankets!”

I’m the kind to put on socks, get into bed and kick them off. Some people sleep with them on. On chilly rainy winter days I am so wearing a thick coat, leg warmers and a thick scarf. I get to class and as I start the lecture, I start peeling them off! So what are medication are you on, is the next question? Does panados count? I’m hmmm I take something for acid. No seriously I can’t compare clinic notes, alhamdulilaah, at least not yet. And may Allah protect me and keep us all as healthy as possible for as long as possible and when we do become sick give us the Sabr to cope with it.

And then there is the hair. "I see your grey tendrils peeping out, chestnut brown is a good colour" – nudge nudge wink wink. I’m thinking – “I want to grow up to look like one of those Cherokee women with their white long wise plaits.” Right now I embrace the salt and pepper and the random grey in my dark eyebrows – seriously wicked. I put extra olive oil on my skin thats a bit drier now and then. And I am determined to keep busy walking, praying, exercising, dancing, planting, baking, writing, reading – but busy.

Accordin to Lin Yutang on “growing old gracefully”, he says, “ Something of this tenderness towards old age existed already in the primeval consciousness of the Chinese people, a feeling that I can only compare to the western chivalry and feeling of tenderness towards women…A natural man loves his children but a cultured man loves his parents.” I love reading Lin Yutang, listen to this poem:

The tree desires repose but the wind does not stop

The son desires to serve but his parents are all gone

 Of white beards he says: “On the whole, I find grand old men with white beards missing from the American picture. I know that they exist but perhaps they are in a conspiracy to hide themselves from me. …Perhaps it is the safety razor that has done it, a process as deplorable and ignorant as the deforestation of the Chinese hills by ignorant farmers…” ha ha ha that’s funny.

He ends, “And since there is no use fighting against nature, one might just as well grow old gracefully. The symphony of life should end with a grand finale of peace and serenity and comfort and spiritual contentment and not with the crash of a broken drum or cracked cymbals.”

 Later

 Plant food and age gracefully

Yasmine